The Paradox of Ambition
I am smitten with the quest for dream fulfillment. Yet, as a self-proclaimed master of spells and sorcery designed for self-inflicted jump-scares, I am alternately skilled at avoiding that very fulfillment. This leaves me wrestling with a fundamental question: Is my hesitation a fear of success, or a genuine desire for a simpler life? Am I self-sabotaging a grand destiny, or wisely choosing a size that truly fits my soul?
Echoing in my mind is the ghost of Zig Ziglar, “You can achieve your dreams if you just belieeeeeve.” The siren song of fame and fortune is alluring, but I must confess a deep love for silence, solitude, and simplicity. This forces a stark choice: Am I willing to sacrifice solace for the demands of success? Am I prepared to trade my autonomy for a life of imposing blurbs and public expectations?
The Wisdom of Avoidance
This internal dynamic makes me wonder if my self-preservation is not a fear-based delusion, but an act of clarity born from experience. Am I the guy who refuses to stand in line at American Idol auditions because he’s afraid of success, or because he’s smart enough to avoid the soul-crushing hassle? Perhaps my desire for solitude isn't self-sabotage at all, but a strategic move to protect my energy from the draining complexities of the "human herd." In skillfully honoring my preferences before diving headlong into an ordeal, am I losing out, or am I simply taking care of myself?
Is the Dream Itself a Trap?
Let’s flip the script entirely. What if our dreams are the trap? What if societal "success" is a fixation designed to make us miserable? Perhaps the treadmill of “winning” is just a clunky machine we’ve been convinced to put in our living rooms. Our imaginations conjure wishes that create a painful contrast with our present moment. This spectrum of success can make us hate our current conditions, despise simplicity, and blind us to the beauty right before us—all because we are attached to a pre-packaged vision of wealth and victory. After a lifetime of navigating trauma, why not simply enjoy the small things and tell my grander passions to take a hike?
The Haunted & The Hallowed Ground
It's never simple. I am haunted by a relentless passion—a force driven by goosebumps and quickened by visions. Something deep inside yearns to express itself on a grand scale and feel the undiluted flow of psycho-spiritual energy. And yet, another part of me sees the game of life, recognizes how it’s rigged, and feels too self-respecting to keep riding the same rusty Ferris wheel.
The biggest surprise embedded in this haunting is that the dream often fulfills itself not through external chasing, but through self-intoxicating imaginings that move that very same energy right where I am. It’s an efficient and cost-effective path.
My Kundalini release didn’t happen in an ashram in India or through a globe-trotting yoga lifestyle; it occurred in the quiet simplicity of my own spiritual path, working with my inner child. The hallowed ground was internal all along.
Critic on the Unbuilt Bridge
But let's play devil's advocate. Is this narrative of internal fulfillment simply a sophisticated story I've crafted for myself? Perhaps the exhaustion, disappointment, and grief I feel are part of a pattern that serves the shadow, convincing me I'm okay with a baseline of misery because it's familiar. It's a defense of simplicity that makes the path of least resistance feel noble, when in reality, it’s easier to stay in a known state of discontent than to risk it for a terrifying unknown.
That unknown is a bridge to freedom, but it feels anything but safe. It’s the wobbly tower you can fall from the moment you take the first step. The real fear isn't of failure, nor is it of success. It is the perilous, uncertain crossing from the person I am to the person I could become.
Eye of the Cyclone
So which story is true? The enlightened internal journey or the coward's justification?
What if both are true? What if these are both valid human experiences, designed not for us to choose a side, but for us to learn about the nature of conflict itself? Perhaps the only war within my soul is my identification with the struggle, rather than my presence within it.
The goal may not be to win the internal debate, but to stand calmly in the center of the cyclone. Enlightenment isn't about where you go, but your state of being where you are. Because no matter how far or how often you travel, there’s one factor that never changes, yet continually evolves . . .
You.
—Zzenn
Read Zzenn’s Story: unSpirital: A Spiritual Journey
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I could have almost written this myself. I think part of it has to do with the nature of light and darkness in this realm, and the nature of our souls. Success, fame, ambition, etc, tend to run on the "false light" frequency, and that feels wrong at an instinctual level. And yet, there is the desire to make an impact and be heroic in some way - but can we actually do that in a place where most things are rigged?