Shame-Based Relationships: Why Fierce Loyalty to Yourself Is Not Selfish

This morning, I woke up from a dream about a woman I was involved with. In it, I committed to loving her selflessly, putting her needs before my own. The scene then changed, and my daughter appeared as a young girl. I explained that even though I was putting myself second in this new relationship, she would always be our first priority — she was my main focus.

In that moment, I felt a wave of relief, as if I were finally healing an old guilt for a debt I felt I owed her. The dream led me down a rabbit hole of reflection on shame, guilt, and the pervasive, religiously-fueled societal mandate to "put others before yourself."

I traveled through my life, examining my soul's orbit in relation to the relationships that fell away as I continued to heal my inner child. It was always a choice between their rejection and my sanity—a dilemma rarely understood by those who have not truly experienced it.

Note: This article does not oppose mutual "give and take" relationships or promote neglect and narcissism. Instead, it emphasizes the importance of honesty with your core truth—the soul’s reality—especially for soul travelers navigating shame-based environments.

A Free Soul is a “Right” Soul

To understand the contrast, I had to experience the guilt and shame of prioritizing myself over others. I relived moments when family and friends called me “selfish,” exploring their judgment's core. I felt their indignation for following my true north, my Soul Star's path I couldn’t resist—it was part of my psycho-spiritual nature.

I observed the self-righteousness of the social priests and priestesses, those gatekeepers of a domestic structure (nesting, breeding, churching) meant to keep souls bound to conformity. They relentlessly judge any risky spiritual quest that defies authority. I also noticed the deep fear in their hearts, the belief that a free soul is doomed to debauchery and sin. Their only solution is a bloody religious relic meant to corrupt the mind and imprison the heart.

They aren't always malicious. Often, they are the ones closest to us—the well-meaning family and lifelong friends who believe they know what's best. Their weapon is subtle but powerful: a constant undercurrent of guilt and normalcy bias designed to keep our souls tethered to their expectations. What they fear is that you know the truth and act on it...

Fierce loyalty to yourself is not selfish—it is sacred.

On the Wizzan Path, the Soul's Orbit is guided by a sense of “tuning” and inner “rightness” that leads a seeker through the dark forests of life. This intuitive feeling is often abandoned while navigating social disapproval. Still, it eventually guides the person to a state of self-alignment that tends to surprise the self-critical followers of social conformity.

Deception of Shame

For thousands of years, we’ve been told a story that makes self-sacrifice appear as the highest virtue. This idea, a powerful mix of obligation especially strong in its Christian form, is praised as a sign of a noble soul. We're encouraged to "put others first" to earn praise, love, and the coveted label of "selfless"—as if those who are fiercely loyal to themselves can't genuinely be generous.

But what if this isn't truly virtuous? What if the constant effort to diminish ourselves, to override our deepest instincts for others, isn't love but a subtle form of self-betrayal? What if genuine love, authentic connection, and true meaning stem not from self-sacrifice, but from a fierce, unwavering loyalty to the unique, divine path of our own soul?

Be warned: a guilt- and shame-infected culture resists sovereignty, suppressing desires and planting doubt in self-trust. Like an alcoholic needing validation, the herd demands conformity. Your freedom reflects their servitude, and they will attack the reflection.

The Chains of "Self-Sacrifice"

The idea of self-sacrifice, particularly promoted by certain doctrines, often turns into a hidden method of control. It forms a psychological and emotional trap of debt and obligation in our relationships.

I sacrificed for you, so you owe me. 

If I don't sacrifice, I'm a bad person, deserving of guilt and shame.

Or, the selfish secret wish, “one day you will regret and come running back.”

This harmful pattern traps us. We find ourselves saying "yes" when our soul screams "no," staying in situations that drain us, and doing acts of service that leave us resentful and empty. And it all stems from fear.

This is the territory of the mortal (religiously infected) mind, always seeking external validation and fearing judgment. It confuses duty with love, and obligation with connection. In this view, guilt is the hidden creator, building walls between our true selves and the world, forcing us to play a role instead of truly living. We become martyrs, not out of strength, but because of fear of judgment.

The Controllers (religious authorities) used the doctrine of original sin to weaken the human soul and perpetuate generational child abuse, thereby hindering human development, creating a culture of adult children, and fostering dependence on a Father God who controls them through the promise of obedience to the church and the threat of suffering hell.

The Wizzan Orbit: An Ancient Path

Turn your gaze to the ancient world before doctrines that emphasized human brokenness and the need for submission took hold. There was a time when inner wisdom, personal destiny, and the individual’s unique spark were highly valued. They understood what I call the soul's orbit.

According to the Wizzan Path, you have a unique "soul star"—with its own powerful gravitational pull, inherent rhythm, and clear trajectory through the vast cosmos of your inner world. To live fiercely loyal to your soul's orbit means honoring this path above all else. It means listening closely to the whispers of your inner child, trusting the intuitive currents of your heart, and refusing to be pulled off course by the gravitational pull of others' expectations.

The most powerful attribute developed on the Wizzan Path is TRUST, because that is what is required to access the deeper forces of the unconscious.

This isn't selfishness. Let me be clear: selfishness is when you take from others to fill a void inside yourself, often at their expense. Conversely, fierce loyalty to your soul means nurturing such a deep sense of completeness that you naturally radiate light and warmth without effort. You become a beacon, not a black hole.

The purpose of the human journey is to BLOSSOM your soul. Everything else is secondary because your entire world relies on the quality of your soul realm, where your psycho-spiritual energy and all its manifestations, such as thoughts, feelings, and trauma, reside.

Blossoming your soul is the purpose of the Wizzan Path.

From this place of inner abundance, you love others because of yourself, because your cup overflows, not because you feel obligated to empty it.

A Wizzan—someone who walks this path of wisdom and self-loyalty—knows that the greatest gift they can give the world is their own pure, authentic essence. Their relationships aren’t based on need, fear, or obligation, but on resonance—the joyful alignment of two sovereign orbits choosing to journey together, to share light and gravity without merging or losing their individual paths.

Genuine vs Toxic Parenting

But what about parenting? the immediate question arises. What about the sleepless nights, the endless demands, the undeniable need to put a child's needs before your own? Isn't that the ultimate self-sacrifice?

This is where the difference between "sacrifice" and "fierce loyalty" becomes not only philosophical but also deeply practical. The act of getting up in the middle of the night to change a crying infant's diaper seems to be a selfless act. You are sacrificing sleep, comfort, and personal time.

However, the perceptual framework is completely different:

A parent loyal to their soul's orbit sees parenting not as a sacrifice, but as a meaningful and deliberate choice. Caring for a child becomes an act of true loyalty to that sacred commitment, recognizing that their child is now part of their soul’s orbit rather than seeing them as an external obligation.

A toxic, selfless parent (often influenced by religious doctrine, directly or through culture) unintentionally teaches that love equals obligation. In contrast, a parent loyal to their own soul understands that their well-being is the foundation of their ability to care. They follow the creeds of:

• Healthy Boundaries

• Managing Their Energy (like a good Wizzan, one who is “inner realized”)

• Nurturing Their Development

The true sacrifice isn't just giving to your child; it's losing yourself in the process. A self-loving parent does the same caring acts from a place of inner abundance, turning duty into a powerful expression of love.

The Trap of Temptation

One of the Church's main tactics is to trap desire through temptation, creating a taboo that ironically draws out the very thing it prohibits. This builds a psychological prison—an endless battle between intention and counter-intention—that enslaves the individual.

This pattern appears in traditional relationships. When someone committed to a partner feels a strong attraction to another person, the guilt-based system labels it a "sin," causing a cycle of shame, repression, and often, secret betrayal.

In the ancient world, desire was seen as a force to be embraced, guided by the "serpent mind"—the intuitive wisdom of Kuṇḍalinī energy. Virtue was inherent in nature, independent of shame, guilt, or punishment. Responsibility was self-directed, allowing souls to flourish and develop into their full Selves instead of being prisoners of their inner worlds.

This is exactly why paths that honor desire, like the “Left-Hand Path,” are condemned as evil by the faithful. They argue it leads to immorality and corruption, using their guilt-driven doctrine to maintain their psychological complex—all while often secretly indulging in their own desires. Inner power is feared, and psycho-spiritual slavery is upheld.

The soul's orbit presents a completely different and much more genuine approach. This, my friends, is where the powerful force of TRUST comes into action.

• Observe the Feeling
  Instead of judging, see an attraction as neutral information—a biological reaction, not a moral judgment. Explore your inner world, stay curious, and channel your desires wisely.

• Question the Cause
  Ask why you feel this way. Is it just a simple impulse, or is it a sign that you need validation, admiration, or intimacy?

• Act with Integrity
  True self-loyalty isn't following every impulse; it's aligning your actions with your true core. Honoring your partnership is a way of staying loyal to your own soul’s path.

This honest process leads to two possible paths: either using the insight to strengthen your commitment to your partner or bravely ending a misaligned relationship with integrity. Cheating is a betrayal of both your partner and yourself.

Sharp Mind Open Heart

What, then, does love look like for a soul-traveler—a Wizzan? It flows from a place of radical TRUST. A Wizzan loves from their soul’s orbit because they have grown to accept it as the highest authority in their lives. They know it is the ultimate guide for their existence, growth, and evolution. Whether they have children, a family, a social life, or walk a path of solitude.

"Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run,
there's still time to change the road you're on."

—Led Zeppelin (Stairway to Heaven)

This is where we need to redefine what it means to be selfish. True selfishness isn't about honoring your own path; it's about shaming others to fit your agenda and satisfy your toxic psycho-spiritual needs. When the so-called “selfless” judge you for being selfish, remember that they are often projecting their own deep fears and desires onto you.

So, dear one, follow your bliss. Trust your inner guidance. The phrase "Do what thou wilt" is not a call for hedonism, but a command for the soul to fulfill its true purpose for the survival and growth of yourself, others, and the world. This includes pursuing your genuine desires—such as eating, drinking, traveling, loving, exploring, creating, and finding happiness.

This path requires wisdom. Make sure your perceived orbit isn't fake—an egoic pattern working against you. Crimes, abuse, or self-destructive behaviors like drug use are not the signs of a sovereign soul; they are signs of a captive one.

That is the direct advice from the Wizard:

"Be wise, realize your inner beauty, and travel brilliantly.”

—Zzenn

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